Schmidt and Winston hang their heads on the kitchen counter as Nick lets out another groan that he will never find love again. He's on the couch, watching a tape of his ex-girlfriend Caroline wishing him a happy birthday. His initial reaction to the gift was, of course, joyous, but his tears now represent his destiny of dying alone.
"If I hear him he say 'Caaaroliiiiine' one more time, I am gonna –"
"Caaaroliiiiine!" Nick wails from the living room.
Winston slams his palms on the countertop. "Damn it, Nick! It's been almost five months. You need to start getting over her!"
"And what better way to get over someone than by getting under someone else?" Schmidt chimes in with a smile. To this, Winston looks at him disapprovingly. "What? He can't forget her if he remembers how she looks naked."
"$20. Jar. Now."
They both make a beeline for their heartbroken roommate, although Schmidt has to make a pit stop at his specially-assigned Douchebag Jar. Taking a seat on either side of Nick, they try to console him.
"You know what? Why don't you come out with Schmidt and me? I'll bring Shelby along and she can help us get a good read on a girl. You go talk to her and start the Caroline Ripped Out My Heart With Her Perfect, Perfect Hands healing process."
"Yeah, and I'm gonna be hitting on the ladies too and we all know how well I can read them."
At the same time, Nick and Winston share a disgusted expression on their faces.
"Guys, I need to face the fact that it's over before I start looking to sleep with someone else." Nick is still unconvinced at the Boys' (plus Shelby) Night Out plan.
"You faced that fact two months ago! C'mon. It's a Friday night. Any single girl at the bar is looking for a hookup. Don't feel bad about rebound sex." Winston's trying so hard to coax Nick to come along, he's surprised he let himself sound like Schmidt.
After silent moments of contemplation and pretty please looks from Winston and Schmidt, Nick finally agrees.
Nothing particularly exciting is happening at the bar tonight. It's where Nick works, and the only difference to it is the view: from behind the bar, serving drinks, to sitting at the bar, receiving them.
"What about her?" Nick begins the night by suggesting potential one-night stands. He's pointing at a thin woman with her hair in a low ponytail, wearing wooden brown frames; her face is half-buried in a book.
"No. She came to a bar with a book. She already has a date. She's the early one. Next."
Shelby's following Schmidt's pointed finger. At the end of it stands a woman with ink running up and down her arms. "Wow. Um...very pretty, but from here I can see she's got more than 10 piercings. I bet she's sadistic –"
"Okay, moving on," Nick interrupts.
Winston is amused and quickly finds someone. "Her."
A group of college seniors clear out to reveal two women chatting away at a booth against the far wall. One of them, on the right side, has sharp features and bronze skin. Her stature is tall even though she's sitting, giving the impression that she's a model. The other one has dark thick hair flowing down in loose curls. Half her face is covered in bangs and big blue eyes peak where the end of her strands meets her eyebrows.
They are quiet for only a minute when Schmidt breaks the silence. "Exotic Indian and...Plain Jane." He turns his head back to the group, finding three faces in dismay staring at him. "$20?"
"Each," Nick, Winston and Shelby say in unison.
"That's ridiculous. How would you have nicknamed them?"
"Uh, Girl 1 and Girl 2?"
"Fine. Now excuse me while I make a move on Girl 1, a.k.a. Exotic Indian." He disappears in the crowd as soon as he disconnects himself from the bar.
"Alright, Shelby, what's your read on Girl 2?" Nick asks, hopeful.
"She's got something quirky about her. Definitely single because she would not be here if she wasn't. Her friend probably dragged her here, too. Oh, there's your conversation starter!" Shelby playfully pushes Nick towards Girl 2. He tries to retreat, but with Winston backing up his girlfriend, he has to go.
Some time later, Nick returns to the bar, satisfaction plastered across his face.
"Damn. That took a while. I'm guessing you hit it off?" Shelby sounds like a proud mom.
"Obviously not. If he did, he'd be deciding his place or hers right now," Schmidt cuts in.
"Actually, we're going on a date. A real date. Tomorrow."
"Whoop! Score one for Miller!" hollers Winston, the proud dad counterpart to Shelby.
"That's impossible. How could you not strike out when I did?"
"Maybe because when I greeted her, I didn't call her 'Plain Jane'".
"What is her name, anyway?"